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Reflection: Anxiety Doubled

August 15, 2012

Anxiety, my old friend. It has been most of my life that we rode the same bus to school, walked the same mountain trails, and cooked the same meals. Its been two decades since I learned who you were and how you colored and flavored every single thing I ever did. I discovered how close we were and why I could never part from you.

I studied you even deeper and one day, I recognized you in others. You were all around and no matter where I went, I couldn’t escape you. You didn’t date just me, you kept everyone company.

Sometimes my favorite people brought you to dinner and you doubled and tripled and quadrupled, so big we couldn’t see around you. Those conversations were chaotic and immense and I cringed and wanted to leave. Our thing was enough all by itself, I could tolerate the feelings when it was just you and I.

More recently, I’m digging deep into what it means to sit with you and you-tripled. Initially, I have to sit outwardly silent while I let my inner world broil and toil, who knows what expression on my face. If I stay there and practice calming and remain in my seat, gradually I’m able to look up and out and take more in and not get pushed off my chair. Ever so slowly, you-tripled quiets to you-doubled and then just you.

I recognize you, I breathe, and the day goes on.

  1. Oh my, do I know that old friend anxiety. Thanks for an image of how to sit with her when she roars.

  2. Jennifer Toso permalink

    You’ve just described my day, my inner world broiling and toiling. How good to know I am not alone with this beast.

    • Jennifer, I’m pretty sure there are a very good number of people living with anxiety as a companion. Many more than one would think, so you’re definitely not alone. Thanks for commenting!

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